A Reflection

I am growing up. That fact is inevitable. With that in mind, I must sit and reflect on my life so far. I am still young, but I am getting older with each passing day. I have to wonder if I am living my life thus far the way I want to. High school was an interesting time full of trying to discover myself as well as other people. If anything, I believe I moved too quickly in high school; I didn't take the time to sit back and enjoy it. All I ever wanted was for it to be over. I suppose that that's how it is for most people in high school. We wish our lives away. High school was not the best time of my life, I will admit it. I had my reasons for wanting it to be over so quickly, but I do believe that I could have made it better if I truly tried. I have to admit that my senior year was my best year. I had easy classes, I started dating my currently boyfriend, I got closer to friends, and I learned a lot about myself in general. There were times that I just wanted it to all be over because college was just around the corner, but there were also times when I just wanted to stop the clock for a while so I could just enjoy specific moments over and over again.

And now, I am 15 days from starting my first day of college classes. It is a crazy feeling to sit here and think about that. It feels like just yesterday that I was waking up, flitting around my room trying to find the perfect outfit for the first day of high school. In about 15 days, my biggest concern will not be about impressing anyone on the first day. My biggest concern will be just simply being prepared for my classes. I feel that I have a vague idea of what to expect, but then since I have never taken college classes, I also don't exactly know what to expect. It amazes me how much things have changed since that first day of high school up until now. I have grown as a person and as an individual. My interests have changed, my beliefs have changed, my entire being has completely changed. I am not that same girl that I was just 4 years ago. I truly believe that I am an adult now and I must face the world as an adult. Of course I am literally an adult being 18 and all, but it takes a lot more than age to be an adult. I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal or anything, of course, but I am saying that I think I have grown up a lot. I know that I still have a long way to go, but as far as age goes, I believe I am exactly where I should be.

My reflection continues into the wonders of what I've done with my life thus far. Have I lived it to the fullest? Have I passed up opportunities that I should have taken? Have I done things that I regret? These questions are probably more appropriate for someone reaching their midlife crisis rather than someone just peeking into the world of adulthood. Which brings me to my next thought.

None of those questions matter now. I am entering a new phase to my life and I am about to journey into new territory. It doesn't matter what I have and have not done with my life that I should or should not have done; it is all done now. I have lived my life so far the way I chose to at those particular times. It simply cannot be changed, no matter how much I want to wish. I cannot relive those years no matter what I do. Elementary school, middle school, and high school are now closed books. The endings to those have been written and published; no changes may be made now. I am who I am now and I must trek on with my life. All I can do from here is think about the things that I may want to do in the future, but the past is a closed course. No trespassing is permitted ever again. It's time to move on from those moments and just live.

I've always wondered why people going through midlife crises try to relive those high school years or their college years, or even just their 20's. Was everything really that wonderful? In high school, there was drama that everyone seemed to get wrapped up in and lost sight of what was truly important in life. As far as college and 20's go, I'm not sure. I can only assume what they will be like since I have not yet lived those years, but why should someone who hits that midlife crisis year try to relive those days? Most people at that age are settled down with families and the life that they built for themselves. Buying a car that you had in your early years, or wearing too-tight clothing, or dying your hair the color it was when you were younger is not going to change the way things were back then. Things happened the way they did for a reason. They have made you who you are today. Most people who hit that age are really good people and it is truly not necessary to relive those days. The thought of reliving high school makes me feel uneasy, and I just graduated 2 months ago. I suppose I will not understand until I am that age, although I think I will muster up some control over that desire. Hopefully this blog still exists and I can reread this and remind myself of why it is truly an unintelligent thing to do.

I think I will bring this post to a close now. As I leave, I must leave with some advice: Live life for the now. Be happy, be you, be prosperous, be wonderful, be everything. Live for today and tomorrow, not for yesterday.



Kaitlin<3




Iron & Wine was the artist I listened to as I wrote this. I find it appropriate.